I feel helpless, pathetic and sad.

This is mostly due to the fact that things are horrible in the family department. After some unfortunate events such as my mom reading my diary (WTF!) nothing seems to be working out..
Just cause I’m a little wild at heart they are treating me as if the moment they set me free I’m gonna end up with 5 piercings, 10 tattoos, 15 boys and a coke addiction..

It just breaks me.. I have the greatest dad in the world and the amount of pain I feel when I see him sad just kills me.. Yet I seem to make him sad constantly.. So what is it that makes me act the way I do?

Why can’t I be some goody-two-shoes? I know plenty of girls who would be the ideal daughter for my parents. Why can’t I be that way? 

Argh. This was supposed to be over once I'm 18!?

Seems like I always have this urge to fuck things up when all is perfect.

I don’t understand what it is that made me the way I am? No crazy genes, no traumatic experience as a kid.. WTF?

"Listen to me...you have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you.”

Indeed he does.

 On another note, Ankara sucks balls, and I wonder why it took me 20 years to realize this!? (though I am grateful it is not nearly as lame as Binghamton :P)

I need a new city..

Somewhere where I’ll hear people rocking to Black Sabbath at some bar as I’m on my way to see the new art exhibition of some Alex Grey-ish artist. Where as I’m walking I wouldn’t get cat-called by creepy men or receive the “mah god! Look at what she’s wearing!” kinda look from some shallow bitch..Where I wouldn’t have to pretend to be someone else to be accepted.

Will it ever be?

Blah...

 I’m trying to think “pink”

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